When you think it’s because you’re not a morning person, but you’re actually exhausted
Most days I struggle to get out of bed. And by most days, I mean any day I have to go to work, and especially days I have to go into the office. Getting up every morning and knowing that your time, i.e. your day, i.e. your life, is not your own, can be difficult, and right now, it’s really difficult for me. What’s interesting though is that I actually enjoy the work I do because I have always loved working with young people.
I’ve been working since I was 14 years old and at this point in my life, I’m just tired. My mom wasted no time getting me involved in a summer youth employment program in order to earn income over the summer. While it was nice to earn money, I soon realized that money also gave me the responsibility of having to buy things for myself, such as clothes, or my winter coat or whatever else I needed. This is not to say that my parents did not provide for me, however, I know that income helped our household during that time.
It’s now 30 years later and while I’m proud of the life I’ve built, I also recognize I want a the future that looks different. A lot changed in me during the pandemic. I felt more grounded simply being at home. I had time to think and evaluate what’s important to me, what I want for my life – and what I need to do in order to get there. Because I wasn’t stuck in traffic or in the office, I had more time in my day and I began to think about how I’d like to continue having more time to do the things I love. My vision for the future prioritizes autonomy. A lot of what I’m battling with comes down to desire for more agency over my life and time, coupled with how oppressive the workplace can be to Black women.
Most recently, in my quiet time, I began to think about the two themes I wanted to focus on for this year. The two words that kept coming to mind were alignment and agency. I believe, if I get fully aligned with my God, give them purpose it will create the agency I seek in life, and so that is my focus for 2023 and beyond.
On the days I don’t have to work, I’m up at 8am, and excitedly start my day because I get to decide what to do with my time. It often feels like I am in a race against time and want to maximize every second of every minute of every hour of every day that I am not working because I know soon I’ll be back working and won’t have the privilege or the freedom to do whatever I want. Can you relate?
Why we struggle with routines
For most people, creating and sticking to a routine is difficult. Your morning routine can feel like it’s in competition with family responsibilities, time, work, exhaustion, etc. Like you, it’s one of the things that I’ve struggled with. I always thought it was a good idea, but wasn’t sure why I could never honor them until recently. I used to look at routines as something else that I have to do and part of the routine would surely include creating a to-do list of things I need to accomplish for the day! This thought added to my daily angst because this created more work for me to do, prior to me actually getting the work done.
Routines provide autonomy
Now, I recognize that having a morning routine is a gift to myself. It is something that I give myself. It is something that I do for myself. I now see it as a way to “redeem the time” in some ways. So, what should your morning routine consist of? The short answer is, whatever you want and feel like you need. I think of it as, what do I need to do for myself that will help me have less anxiety as I begin my day. Will spending time meditating help to calm and center me? Well, I have more energy if I complete a 20 minute Peloton ride? What if I spend some time writing or working on a personal goal before I head out? All of these things helped me reframe routines and create morning routines that work for me. In reading “Everyday Magic,” by Mattie James (I highly recommend), I learned about the difference between having a reactive morning, and a proactive morning, and now I realize that most days I had a reactive morning and this was very triggering and anxiety-provoking for me. I started my day out in response to everything around me rather than being proactive and giving myself what I needed in the form of a routine. I would wake up, look at my phone to check my personal emails, look at IG, do my hygiene routine, cook breakfast, eat, and then jump right into work emails if I’m working from home, or head out to get to the office. This is no longer sustainable for me. I am choosing to reclaim my time through morning routines that serve me. Your morning routine should include anything you need to help center you before you begin your day.
Things to consider when creating a routine
Your morning routine doesn’t have to look the same each day.
What you need out of your routine may depend on what’s happening on a given day or season of your life. Creating a routine does require some preparation of what you’ll need for the next morning. If you know you want to do some journaling with a cup of coffee, you will need to make sure you have a journal and coffee at home. If you want to get a workout in, make sure your gym clothes are ready.
You can change your routines at any time if it’s not working for you. It’s not something that’s set in stone.
If your life is not conducive to being consistent with your morning routines, start small and begin again. Maybe your morning routine will consist of a 2-minute guided meditation. Maybe you will need to get up earlier than everyone in your household. You can do whatever works for you.
