There’s a lot we can do to improve our lives. Some of them are simple and others are going to take some work. Either way, let’s commit to taking some steps that yield big changes in our quality of life over time. Like the great Toni Morrison said, you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down. Here’s our list of things you need to give up to live your best life – part I.
Canceling plans because of the rain. Hear me out! Sometimes the weather isn’t just yucky, it’s unsafe or too cumbersome to get around – and when it’s like that, I definitely get it. Also if you’re having a lowkey day or weekend and need to just rest, then you should do that sis. But, oftentimes if we decide to do what we were planning to do despite the weather, we still end up having a really good time, and for every time that we don’t go out or we cancel our plans because it’s raining or there’s a little snow on the ground, we’re holding back living our lives based on the weather. Live your life, sis! Grab your umbrella, grab your boots and just go!
Wearing shoes that hurt your feet. I really hope to God we’re still not doing this, but just in case we are , sis don’t wear your shoes too small for you. If you wear a 10, rock that size 10. If the shoe is causing you pain or discomfort, let it go!
Waiting until a special occasion to wear something you bought. I used to save some of my clothes for special occasions or to only wear on the weekends. I had a belief that I needed to have a reason to look really nice or to dress up – but I no longer do. There have been too many times where I’ve saved an outfit for an event or to wear out on a Saturday night only to wind up not wearing what I purchased because I didn’t end up going. This happened around Christmas of last year. I purchased two matching holiday shirts for me and my husband. We both got sick and by the time we were well, it was after January 1st. I’ve come to realize that I am the reason to dress up and I can wear whatever I want whenever I want. There is no waiting until tomorrow or until next week, or next month, or until Christmas. If you’re saving something for later, just wear the thing! You may never end up wearing it if you wait.
Waiting until you’re married to travel or do certain things. If you’re doing this – what if you never get married? I know it’s an awful thought, but seriously, what if you don’t? I once read a comment under a video of a young single woman’s trip to the Maldives. The commenter said she was saving her trip to the Maldives for when she got married, and it occurred to me, what if she never gets married? Will she never take the trip? I remember when I was single and someone posed that question to me regarding all the things I was waiting to do with my husband. It compelled me to take my first solo trip (before solo travel was cool). Don’t put off your dreams or things that you want to do in life until you get married or until a certain thing happens – you’re worthy of living life right now. Your life is worthy of living it right now – don’t wait.
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Pushing yourself beyond your limits. Many of us know the statistics about Black women’s health outcomes but even if we don’t, we do know that Black women have poorer health than others. One of the things I haven’t been aware of until recently is that I’m not good at acknowledging and evaluating how I feel in my body and giving it what it needs to be healthy, to feel comfortable, and to thrive. I have had a tendency to ignore how my body feels, but I think that there is something important about acknowledging how your body feels, understanding what your body needs, and treating your body well. Start practicing body awareness and give your body what it needs. It can be as simple as going to the restroom rather than holding it because there’s something else more important. You are the most important thing.
Caring about what people think about you. What you think about you supersedes what anyone else thinks. In fact, whatever someone thinks about you, simply does not matter. Who are they? Why does their opinion of you matter? It should not. Don’t let what others say about you affect how you feel about you and change what you know to be true about yourself.
Staying at a job or with a person that’s causing you stress and negatively impacting your health. I have been reading so many articles about stress, Black women’s health, and the workplace – and honestly it’s really disturbing. On top of reading these articles, I’m having numerous conversations with Black women about their own personal experiences in the workplace, and I am left feeling angry, sad, and scared for how our future might look. So here’s the deal. If you’re in a workplace and they are causing you stress, anxiety, worry and this is all impacting your health. I don’t know if anybody’s ever told you this, but consider going on disability, sis – take a mental health leave. Your physical health and mental health matter, and if you’re not well, you need to step away and take care of yourself. Prioritizing your health is not selfish, it really is an act of survival.
Pulling your hair too tight. This is another one that I hope we’re not still doing because traction alopecia from pulling your hair too tight is real. Black women are losing their hair, especially their edges – so let’s stop this. And, this includes retwisting new growth if you have locs or getting your hair braided too tightly . We often laugh about the pain we endure after getting braids, but there is nothing funny about pulling out your hair follicles.
Not Taking time off. We’ve been trained to work – and work hard. How many vacation days do you leave on the table each year? If you have vacation days – take them. If you’re sick, take a sick day. Take care of this one body and one life you have.
Diet culture and body loathing. We are living in a culture that commodifies the discontent or downright self-hate we have for our bodies. Somewhere, we all began to believe that we should be striving to look differently than we do. Sis, there is nothing wrong with how you look. This is one reason I really love Lizzo – she is unashamed and unapologetic about her body. Her body is hers and she’s cultivating a loving relationship with it, and so should you. Diet culture has us wanting to constantly shrink our bodies and hoping we can transform them into something they are not. Yes, take care of your health and give your body what it needs to be healthy. Shift your focus from the scale to your health. Check out these two books on Amazon, written by two amazing Black women – The Body Liberation Project by Chrissy King and The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonya Renee Taylor if you’re looking to be transformed in your mind, and reframe your relationship with food and your body. You can also support local bookstores by purchasing them on Bookshop. An of course, if you love Audiobooks, you can get them on Audible. If you have Amazon Prime, you can get two free downloads on Audible!
